- Those whos parents own some form of Asian restaurant that slave away countless hours helping out the family business in dispensing its Sweet and Sour Pork and Honey Lemon Chicken. While driving between houses to dispense their Westernized Eastern 'cuisine', they're probably hardcore enough to take notes on a lecture they're listening to on a car radio (the true reason why Asians are crap drivers, they're multitasking)
- Rich, parent-sponsored kiddies who have never ever held down a job and probably will never hold down any form of job until they finish their uber-degree and leap straight to being a Medical Engineering Lawyer that's using their Commerce degree (and their trust-fund) to help them in setting up a McDonalds franchise empire spanning Kardinya through to Wongthrop.
Then you have those that fall through the cracks such as myself who's too rich to be in Struggletown but too poor to be considered a Class-2 Trust Funder. Those such as myself get normal jobs to get more disposable income/savings-for-franchise-empire and hence and therefore have to engage in JOB HUNTING!
The first step to being a successful Hunter is learning how to be a Master Baiter. Jobs, like any form of prey, don't just come charging out at predators but prefer to remain hidden until drawn out. The hunter's bait of choice? Resumes. For most, this is a simple task. For those such as myself, its infinitely harder. I struggle to hand in a resume due my ego being violated by the mere possibility of the walk out of the store being one where the person you've just talked to looks at you dismissively. Shallow? Quite. Paranoid? Extremely.
My solution to my self created problem? Purchasing stuff. Its a near foolproof way to solve the potentially awkward "walk in, ask if they're looking for people, walk out" situation. You walk in, take a look about the store, find something small you want to buy and waltz over to the cashier, pay for it and then, following the "Hi, how are you? Good thanks, you? Good." exchange, you casually slip in the "out of curiosity, are you looking for casual or part-time staff at all?" line and hand in a resume. As an added bonus, assuming this person has some degree of authority in the business, they then remember you as that Asian guy that came in the other day. For example, take my Friday afternoon gone-by expedition to the Concrete Jungle of Perth:
Comic-book store: Ultimate Spider-Man comic
Newsagency: One of those ultra-handy 4-coloured clicky pens
Angus and Robertson: A video-game magazine (this baiting was a failure however as the species only seems to accept bait that is handed directly to its online lair)
The ABC Shop: Nothing. I don't have any interest in buying an overpriced CD by Andre Rieu or an overpriced Two Fat Ladies DVD just for the sake of handing in a resume. I also fear not, the glare of the ABC employee. Why did I put in a resume here again?
Game Shops: Again nothing. Considering employees at a video game store are most likely nerds such as myself, the odds of them giving me a condescending glance are relatively low (I hope...)
Note though that this theory falls apart if we're talking about Electronics Boutique (or EB Games as they are now called, it kinda makes sense considering it wasn't much of a boutique and it didn't really sell vacuum cleaners, stoves or whitegoods...) as the sales staff there are generally either smarmy uninformed male douchebags or token moderately attractive females who are just as, if not potentially more, uninformed. An imaginary conversation at EB (if I bothered buying there in the first place, its infinitely cheaper to import from overseas) generally goes like so:
Smarmy EB Grunt: Okay pre-owned game, that comes to $96.95 (despite probably giving the person that traded it in about $20) *money handed over* Okay! Do you have an EDGE card at all?
Me: No
Smarmy EB Grunt: Did you want to buy one? Its only $10 and it gives you...
Me: No!
Smarmy EB Grunt: Did you want to buy a Game Guarentee at all, its only $5 and it lets you...
Me: No! Fuck off and stop trying to peddle your crap wares, I do NOT want to pay 10% less on your already overpriced second hand games. I actually TAKE CARE of my games so I don't need to buy some bullshit warranty for them off you, FUCK OFF AND LET ME PAY FOR YOUR OVERPRICED GAME!
Alas, this concludes the introduction to the vicious blood sport that is Job Hunting. Now you've learnt how to lure your prey out of hiding. If and when I eventually get an interview, I will discuss the Art of the Chase and the way to close in for the kill once you've successfully baited your prey.
