Omegle: Talking to Strangers = ?

Manipulation is a great thing, it's probably why I enjoyed drama so much. To know that you were AFFECTING people, making them feel a way you intended them to feel, toying with their emotions, dragging them from "Oh wow, this is hilarious" to "Oh wow, this is OH SO DEEP and MEANINGFUL" too. Then again, maybe the fun thing about manipulation is the sheer power-trip knowing that you're in control.

And out of the Great Blue Internet Yonder, like a bat out of hell or a woman who's been to Paradise but never been to me, out comes Omegle.

The basic concept behind Omegle is nothing different from a regular internet chatroom, you communicate to people via text. Big whoop. The kicker really is the fact that you are talking to a complete stranger. There's no identifying username like "ILoveTaylorSwift69" or "Bigcock21", it's merely "You" and "Stranger".

Of course, the long-standing Internet Dickwad Theory applies to this form of communication. For every person ACTUALLY trying to communicate, you get some 4-Chan /b/tard trolling people by random disgusting sexual statements or by posting like giant ASCII Rick Astleys. I personally see myself as superior to that (both morally and in my execution method). For me, the exercise isn't just some kind of "oh lulz lets spam memes", it's an exercise in human manipulation.

How do I go about doing it? Well, for starters, I pretend to be Japanese. This isn't actually particularly hard for me, despite my hyper-grammatism and epically unnecessary inter-web verbosity. I actually studied Japanese until Year 10 and even went to Japan on Exchange. Those small things give you enough snippets of life experience to piece together a believeable enough picture.

But, you may be asking, why Japanese? Well, if you bust out Japanese and broken English, you're believeable enough for non-English speakers to trust as not being some random cock AND you can feign ignorance to other trollers and thereby counter-act their actions by not understanding them.

It's the same concept as Rock, Paper, Scissors? Why pick Paper? It's wussy and shit, why not just go ALL OUT POWERAAA with the rock? Because the Paper can wrap that rock shit up! That and the Japanese have an awful lot of pop culture that sounds dirty but is in actuality innocuous (for example, Hardo Gay and Pornograffiti being a comedian and a band respectively). Anyway, without further ado: let me present you one of three chat logs o' fun.

You: ohio gozaimasu!
Stranger: hello
You: oh...
You: hello
You:my english iss not very effecint
Stranger: japonese?
You: yes ^_^
Stranger: i'm portugal
You: are you from chikago?
Stranger: girl?
You: yesu
You: oh....
You: i am not very good atto typign english
Stranger: :)
You: i keepu adding u because many japanese word end in u
Stranger: :)
Stranger: i am a boy
You: when you turanzolate every word have japanese "u"
Stranger: how old are you?
You: like work in japanese katakana = "wa-a-ku"
You: i am 17
Stranger: do you want to talk about something?
You: do you enjoy tennisu?
Stranger: just watching
Stranger: i don't play
You: do you like Andi Marii?
You: oh sumimasen
Stranger: you play tennis?
You: Andy Murray -_-''
You: little bit
You: i am in my high school varsity team!!!
Stranger:cool
Stranger: i like to play basket
You: basuketobooru?
Stranger: yeah
Stranger: =)
You: oh...
Stranger: do you like to travel?
You: i am too small for playing
You: Ahh.... ^-^''
You: i have never leave Japan
You: i have go to Hokkaido
You:is very cold
Stranger: what's the name of your town?
You: Takarazuka
Stranger: don't know...
Stranger: mine is Lisboa
Stranger: do you know?
You: no???
Stranger: do you have a hi5 profile?
You: no...
You: do you like pornograffiti
Stranger: why?!?
You: ???
You: is this question strange in english?
Stranger: i see some films... i'm boy
Stranger: boys like to watch
Stranger: but i'm not addicted...
Stranger: why did you asked?
You: film clip?
Stranger: yeah... why are you asking?
You: oh they are my ichiban daisuki bando
You: ^ means "my number one liking band"
You: what song of pornograffiti you like????
Stranger: oh...
Stranger: i wasn't talking about a band...
Stranger: didn't understand
You: i am not comprehend?
Stranger: i thought you were talking about pornography...
You: yes???
You: pornograffiti?
Stranger:you are talking about a band?
You: yessu!
Stranger: ok
Stranger: i don't know that band...
You: oh...
You: you are refer to hentai?
Stranger: hentai?
You: i find wikipedia
You: In Japanese the word hentai is a kanji compound of 変 (hen meaning "change" "weird" or "strange")and 態 (tai meaning "attitude" or "appearance"). The term is used as a shortened form of the phrase 変態性欲 (hentai seiyoku), or "sexual perversion". In slang, 変態(hentai) is used as an insult meaning roughly "pervert" or "weirdo".
You: I do not understand all english but you understand???
Stranger: ok
Stranger: i understand that
You: you are hentai???
Stranger: no!!!
You: i am very confuse
You: you say you like pornography but you are notto hentai???
Stranger: i didn't say a like porno
Stranger: i just say i somentimes watch...
You: HENTAI!!!!!!
You: KOWAIII!!!!

This was pretty much the tip of the iceberg, in other
conversations, I managed to 'teach' some guy from "the netherlan" how to say random phrases in Japanese AND I managed to convince some Brazilian chick that I had some deepseeded hatred of American football due to the fact I was from Hiroshima.

I WAS FUCKING POWER TRIPPING. Any latent depression I had earlier today, TOTALLY GONE. What else can I say really?

As Captain Planet would put it, the power is yours. But with great power, comes great responsibility... (and great lulz)

80s Musical Advice of the Week

In lieu of actually posting anything of semi-interest for the past 3 months (or arguably, ever), this filler post comprises some wonderful life advice from 80s Australian rock band, Dragon. A band with such career highlights as calling a Texan audience "faggots" after being pelted off stage, something I'm sure everyone wanted to do at some stage of their lives.

They also bought drugs off Matthew Newton. Subsequently, (possibly as a direct result of?) half of the band died.

Anyway, considering the whole seasonal change (and the free extra bonus hour of sleep debt I get from Daylight Savings going away), this piece of pertinent advice may save you being ill or otherwise getting the Black Plague, which was still a real threat during the 80s when this some was released. Without further pointless worderizing, Rain by Dragon:

Don't you go out in the rain

Don't go out in the pouring rain

If you go out in the rain, we'll never have that time again

Truly, truly wise words. I'm so inspired by them that when I grow up, I want to be a mullet-wearing, sunglasses-clad keyboardist who plays all of like 5 notes in an entire song and plays them with such gusto!

Pros and Cons

In the (paraphrased) words of Earth, Wind and Fire:

"Do you remember the 27th night of September?"

I sure don't, but supposedly that was the last time I've blogged so I figured, new year, new blog, why not?

Alas, what does one write about? World of Warcraft addictions? Dull. General life? Dominated by World of Warcraft addictions, therefore dull. New Year? Resolutions? Change? Betterness? Facebook?

One of my strange semi-vanities is the Compare People application on Facebook, you essentially compare one person one your friend list to another randomly selected in a variety of different catagories. The thing then rates you based on your friend list as to how you 'rank' in a variety of different areas. However, it features inherent difficiencies in properly getting rankings as if you don't rank other people, you come up less on other peoples' comparisons and therefore can't achieve more wins and a higher rank.

Why am I so obsessed with it when it is inherently flawed? Simple reason, PERFECTION. Despite the fact I'm only 8th, 15th and 17th in Tech-Savviness, artisticness and 'most useful', in each of those, I have an absolutely perfect, 100% win record. 5/5 people believe that I'm more technologically competant than someone else picked at random from their friend list. Sure, it could be in comparison to a grandma who thinks phones are a tool of Satan, a Hermit living in Inner Mongolia or a child with Downs Syndrome but it still gives me a minor twang of self-worth.

So, if we're to list things that I'm a perfect victory at (according to a meaningless application) they are:

• Tech-Savviness - Vicious lies, simply because one spends most of his time playing computer games, does not mean they know much about how to operate and do complex things WITH a computer

• Artistic - Fact: My Drama Original Solo Production is funnier than 15 episodes of Rove put together, it's also only 7 minutes. Expanded into an hour, it could quite easily fill up a programming line-up from just repeating that same episode weekly. Works for Rove no?

• Useful - I can bake a cake!

• Organized-ness - Total fallacy to anyone who actually knows me, planning to do things in the last minute doth not maketh one organized

Great, clearly they're traits that people perceive me as having. New Year's Resolutions are supposedly all about making positive change, so where better to find out where than in Facebook! THE PERFECT FAILURE(s):

• Confidence - "This year, I resolve to imbibe more Mexican-brewed Liquid Confidence so I am able to be a more confident, well-rounded person."

• More Powerful (therefore, less powerful) - "This year, I resolve to 'Roid up, tear t-shirts apart and buy a hand-gun."

• Talkativeness (or lack-thereof) - See 'Confidence'

• Craziness (or lack-thereof) - NAAAARRC! "This year, I resolve to become a Mexican Pro Wrestler and therefore replace dull-ness with SUPER CRAZY-ness!"

• A Better Smile - I blame parents and lack of Dental Plan and therefore lack of Braces. Fuck that.

Good list to start with, if I do say so myself. Happy New Year to thee all. May your cake not be a lie and may you have OVER 9000(!!!) positive things happen to you in the coming 12 months. /recyclingoldmemes