The Dark Cash-In

The Dark Knight was truly an epic movie. I mean it had this whole underlying moral conflict, explosions, Aaron "I Believe (I have a mancrush) in Harvey Dent" Eckhart, Heath Ledger giving an awesome final performance as an awesome villain who was actually three-dimensional and intelligent instead of simply being a stupid one-trick pony. What didn't it have? Katie Holmes reprising her role for one. Bet she's choking on her 'conflicting schedule' now!


FUN FACT: Had Katie Holmes not pulled out of The Dark Knight, that would have been the second film in which she'd be having a relationship with Aaron Eckhart, the first being Thank You For Smoking (brilliant film, definately worth watching whether you're a fan of the awesomeness that is Aaron Eckhart or you can't get enough of Katie Holmes and her usual mediocre performances!)


Infact, the movie was so epic that it "inspired" a Dark Whopper . How does a film essentially about legitimate vs. illegitimate justice and what not manage to inspire a burger? Quote random news source: "Burger King says that the Dark Whopper burger is made with ingredients that 'reflect the dark side of Batman'".

Considering how dubious and dark the composition of a Whopper already is (mystery cardboard 'beef' and 'secret sauce'), how much darker can it get? I can just imagine what went on in the brainstorming session for this.

Burger King PR Guy #1: Right, so we've got this biiig movie cash-in with the Dark Knight, what can we do? Ideas people!

Burger King PR Guy #2: Um... lets make a Whopper, but call it a DARK WHOPPER, they'll flock to it.

PR Guy #1: Great idea Mephistopheles, you're totally getting 67% more orphan souls in your pay packet this week! Now, what can we do to make it a Dark Whopper?

PR Guy #3: How about we go down to local pounds, adopt all the homeless puppies then make the patties out of them?

PR Guy #1: That's pretty good but I think it needs a bit more than that.

PR Guy #2: Okay, here's a CRAZEH idea, don't like ridicule me for this... how about... we add in some Sheep Placentas?

(Fun fact: I opened the pantry the other day and found a bottle of that stuff in there, needless to say I was horrified and disturbed)

PR Guy #1: Great job Meph! Keep it up and you may get a meeting with our CEO Lucy Fur pretty soon!

Anyone had the gall to actually consume one of these and survive to tell the tale? Feel free to leave a comment and let me actually know what the hell it is.

On the topic of fast food, I realized that I ended up like missing all of the special 'McContinent' burgers they were realising prior to the Olympic games. I mean yes, there's a McAustralia now and they've re-released the McAmerica Bagel but why would I want one of them? I mean really, the best stuff would be the other 3 non-dull continents:

The McEurope: Beef Carpaccio served with truffle-infused foie gras and balsamic vinegar perhaps? Maybe even an Art House French Film in the Le Fappy Meal and a 'toy'

The McAsia: Whale meat, Sweet and Sour Pork and Satay sauce. Served with Bubble Tea, prawn crackers on the side and Arts Degree napkins (I'm Asian, I know these things). And of course, last but definately not least;

The McAfrica: Zimbabwean-made Soylent Green patty drizzled with a Blood Diamond jus, garnished with Egyptian Hieroglyph Fries

Man I must have missed out...

Another One Bites the Dust

Many of my political heroes have a tendancy to fall from their extremely high perches and die a vicious political (or potentially literal) death. For example: JFK, Gough Whitlam, the Australian Democrats, Mark Latham and King Leonidas.

Now, to that glorious list of heroes, I now have to add Troy "The Omnibus" Buswell recently resigned leader of the WA Liberal party.

Why was he unceremoniously dethroned from the WA Liberal party? Because he sniffed a woman's chair and snapped another woman's bra. This was most likely prior to being elected leader so surely, why should that affect anything?

Prior to Latham become Labor leader, he punched dodgy taxi drivers, afterward he gave old monobrowed Prime Ministers Man-Shakes (like a hand shake, just far, far, far manlier).

Leonidas killed wolves in the freezing cold wearing nothing but a loincloth prior to becoming king, afterward he kicked an Iranian guy down a bottomless pit before single-handedly owning a Persian army by himself (also while wearing nothing but a loincloth and possibly now with the addition of a cape).

Alpha Males like the School Buswell and Leonidas can't help themselves but to assert their Übermenschiality. Its just simple human nature that the Alpha Male acts like a REAL MAN(!) while the Omega Male acts like a softcock before backstabbing the Alpha Male. Just as Leonidas had his Ephialtes (the short, crippled hunchback, Gollum-like guy), the Shuttle Buswell had his in the form of jealous, short Gollum-like Paul "I'm a Gay" Omodei. Pauly O totally couldn't handle being defeated by the Buswell so he got his little flying monkeys ala the Wizard of Oz to dig up dirt on his uberman actions to make everyone without as much testosterone as the Bus epic jealous.

As a result, all my Buswell campaign material I was going for forward on to his office for the upcoming state election is now totally worthless. What am I going to do with the crates full of badges I made with the slogan "Get on board! Ride the Buswell!" now? The T-Shirt, badge and bumper sticker combo would have blown Kevin07 out of the water! "I'm in my car but I'm on board the Buswell" bumper stickers anyone?

Perhaps a couple of election posters will reconvince the Libs to reinstate him to leadership.


Fun Fact: Buswell's wife is Asian. AZN PRIDE REPRESENT!